OH, THE THINGS THAT USED TO GO ON HERE!
Mostly-
by Mike Humbert
(with a lot of help from my former classmates!)
The Idiosyncratic Guide to San Francisco Homepage
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Text and photographs (excluding those in public domain)
© 2003-
This rather stuffy-
Sally Thomas: “Yeah, there were a lot of shenanigans going on!”
Bruce Taylor: “Thank God the statute of limitations has passed!”
Sherlyn Burns: “I don’t remember it all. So many repressed memories!”
Scott Pepper: “One girl went to the clinic with what turned out to be a STD, and when they completed a ‘six degrees of separation’ list, half the school had to go the clinic the next day to get checked!”
Joel Summers: “They hop around from bed to bed like sex-
First, a little background: The main campus of the Defense Language Institute (DLI) has been based in Monterey since 1946. Its mission has always been to train members of the armed forces in one or another of over three dozen different languages. By 1982, however, DLI Monterey had become overcrowded to bursting. New buildings were already under construction, but relief was needed now.
The short-
While technically located on the Presidio of San Francisco military base, DLI-
Many of us came to DLI-
Tony Giles: “A large group of us showed up at DLI on a Friday night, the night of a toga party. As I was waiting in line to sign in at the C.Q. (Charge of Quarters) desk, a beer appeared in my hand. I just sort of stared at it. Someone said, ‘It's a beer. You drink it.’ So I did. I'm from San Jose, and I asked the C.Q. if it was okay to go home for the weekend. He said ‘As long as you’re back by Monday at 8:00 a.m., I don't care what you do.’”
Gretchen Russo: “I arrived from Monterey the morning after the Halloween party. I
walked two different floors and there wasn't a soul moving. It seemed deserted. Around
2:00 p.m., hung-
Fritz Meyers: “I remember my first day in San Francisco. We had originally gone to Monterey, and were disappointed to learn we were being moved to S.F. Upon arriving, there were bodies strewn everywhere. Some groaned incoherently as we moved past, some not so much. I knew at that moment this was going to be a great place, but my initiation had just begun. Out of a doorway popped, or more accurately lurched, a man in a kimono, eyes bloodshot, three day growth on his face, his speech barely intelligible, he mumbled ‘Party's at the end of the hall, see you there.’ And that was how I met J.R. Bauer.”
There was actually a perfectly good reason J.R. was dressed like that.
J.R. Bauer: “It was bowling night, and I was in uniform, thank you very much! Our
team, the Yook-
As students of the Korean Language program, we lived on the fifth floor. In those days, there was no mistaking the fact that the building had once been a hospital—the Army had done little to make the place “homier.” The hallways were stark and utilitarian, with glaring fluorescent lights overhead and ugly linoleum below. Our rooms were the size of, well, hospital rooms, with two (or three, or even four) bunk beds, desks and wall lockers crammed into each. A few unlucky souls even had to live in former operating rooms, with sickly green tile on the walls, ceilings and floors! A handful had their own bathrooms, but most of us had to trek down the hall to the communal latrine/shower room.
Since old hospitals have never been known for their recreational facilities, we had
to make do with what was available. Each floor had two nurse’s stations, which were
little more than formica-
Certain areas of the building were off limits to us. The mysterious, still-
Laudon Williams: “Someone figured out how to turn the morgue coolers back on, and we stashed beer in there for a bit, before we got caught.”
Many of us experienced the Morgan Hill Earthquake in April of 1984.
Scott Pepper: “It was the middle of class, and the building starts trembling, then
rocking. The panic-
Koren Whipp: “I thought Brad was kicking my chair! I remember Brad and Scott both being so calm while I was freaked out. I looked out the window, and the building was swaying. That's just not right! ”
Paul McGraw: “Our teacher took our class outside. For the next three days, he'd start the class by asking if we wanted to go outside to study.”
Roger Boiven: “One night I woke up because my bed was shaking, so I put my hands and feet up to brace the top bunk, to keep it from crashing down on top of me. Good thing I did, because all of a sudden, the top bunk tumbled off, and there was my roommate and his fiancée on the floor, buck naked and laughing like crazy. Turns out it wasn’t an earthquake after all!”
The First Sergeant began to worry about our drinking—not so much the amount (which was considerable), but the fact that so many of us were staggering back from neighborhood bars at three in the morning (or later). The solution? Install a bar on premises! Located mere steps away in the building next door, it was officially called the “Pink Flamingo,” although it was more often referred to as the “Pink Dink!”
Even when we were sober, who could think about studying with the beach so nearby? Our commanding Officer, however, “suggested” that we stay away from Baker Beach, especially the nude end of it.
Huh? Excuse me? What was that last part?
Needless to say, we were climbing over each other to get out the front door, and go catch some rays (and scope out some sunbathers)! A lovely time was had by all—until we learned the hard way how a San Francisco sunburn can sneak up on you.
Then again, you didn’t have to go to Baker Beach to get sunburned. Lori Smith was
sunbathing on the flat, graveled roof of the now-
One of the most enduring DLI legends involves the ocean almost swallowing up Todd Bony’s truck. There was a keg party at Baker Beach, and Rodney “Sal” Paradis was using Bony’s pickup to transport the kegs out onto the beach—and the truck got hopeless mired in the sand. And the tide was coming in…
Todd Bony: “We called for a tow truck. Before it was over, several of them got stuck trying to pull each other out! Meanwhile, water had reached the bottom of my seats. There was also several girls passed out in the back of my truck, and we had to wade into the surf, and carry them up the beach! Once I got my insurance company to settle with the tow company, Sal and I went and got the truck from storage. It started fine, and we took it to main post, and used the truck wash to clean out the sand and salt water. I then sold it to my brother!”
Todd’s version is how it really happened. When people retell the story, however, they tend to embellish a bit. I’ve heard versions where the tide carried the truck out beyond the Golden Gate, never to be seen again.
Sometimes general weirdness would set in, like when I showed up to class in scuba gear. Or the time Chris Olivas was eating live moths by the handful (he claimed they were high in fiber). Or the inflatable sex doll dressed in a camouflage uniform—what was that about?
Scott Pepper: “It reminded me of nothing so much as Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes shouting ‘It's a madhouse... A MADHOUSE!!!’”
Why all the bizarre behavior? Simply put, we were under a lot of pressure. Our Korean Language program was seven hours a day, five days a week, for an entire year. (The German course was a mere eight months, and the Spanish class, if I recall correctly, was offered on alternate Thursdays). If you failed to maintain an 85% grade point average, you washed out.
Douglas Tiffin: “I had a really good time at the school. But I also remember the
hardship and heartache that many went through. I remember spending late nights helping
students who were struggling; I remember having to do after-
At certain points, the ongoing party was interrupted by a “G.I. Party,” in which
everybody would frantically clean, buff and polish the entire building, in anticipation
of the First Sergeant’s inspection. On one of these occasions, Brad Roberson and
Alex Voultepsis realized they wouldn’t have their room inspection-
Maggie Lukasevich: “Right before a room inspection, Nate Tripp distracted Joe Underhill
while I threw this fake rubber dog poop into the middle of his room, onto his pristine,
inspection-
There were other practical jokes as well, like the time Carl Rafanelli stepped out of the shower, only to discover that someone had made off with his clothing. Thinking quickly, he fashioned a makeshift toga out of the white plastic shower curtain. Believing he’d had the last laugh, Carl proudly struck a pose in the hallway. While he was showing off, however, the breeze blew the door to his room shut, and he was locked out.
There were mundane moments, too.
Koren Whipp: “Of course, I will never forget stupid ‘Pine Cone Patrol.’ What an incredible use of our military skills!”
Scott Pepper: “All of us in uniform, picking up pine cones between DLI and the beach!”
Brad Roberson: “I just thought of this: that damn recorded bugle for reveille, retreat, and starting class, breaks, etc. It was the only time my life was governed by Army bugle calls, and it was all done indoors!”
Tony Giles: “I loved those bugle calls!”
Koren Whipp: “Does anyone have photos of us doing Tae Kwon Do—or, as we called it, ‘Time To Go?’”
Lax as things often were, there were still P.T. (Physical Training) tests, which
involved doing as many push-
And, at least some of the time, love was in the air. We were a little taken aback when the colonel proclaimed to the assembled students that “DLI is for lovers,” but he was right. The school produced a lot of marriages, including some that have survived to this day.
After an unforgettable year, those of us who hadn’t washed out took the final “Proficiency Test,” designed to determine if we had actually learned to speak Korean. Every one in my class passed (including me, although just barely). After the graduation ceremony, we each packed our bags and headed off to our next duty stations. Most of us eventually served in South Korea, where speaking Korean really comes in handy.
Bruce Taylor: “I left here in 1984, but this special place never left me. Over the
last thirty years, life has taken me all over the world, but every time I returned
to San Francisco, I went straight to the old DLI-
Eventually, those new buildings at DLI Monterey were ready to use. With no further
need for a San Francisco annex, DLI-
That should be the end of the story, but it isn’t. We still need to mention the “DLI-
Bruce Taylor: “Last year, in 2012, I reconnected with some of my former DLI-
It’s pretty simple, really. Three decades down the road, DLI remains a major high point in each of our lives.
Sherlyn Burns: “It definitely was a magical year.”
J.R. Bauer: “I wouldn't trade the experiences for anything in the world. What a trip! I saw, did, ate, drank, bowled, played, drank, saw, and learned. Anyone remember when I crutched Bay to Breakers with a ten pound cast on my right ankle? I had a blast 99% of the time!”
Bruce Taylor: “I don't believe in haunted houses, but I do believe this building has a soul, a spirit, or life. It is the only building about which I can make such a claim. No other building holds such a special place in my heart. I spent a year in that building forming friendships with the people who would become my dearest friends. It was a seminal year in my life, and set the path for my future.”
Tina Aultman: “We all had that same special experience that was DLI. How lucky we are!”
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